when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
