Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
