I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
