I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
