why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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