My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
