he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
