What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
