I think I won the penis lottery.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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