did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
