I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
