He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Randomize
