you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
