I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
