Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
