I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
