hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
