why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
