I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
