What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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