im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
babies were throwing up all over the place
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
