I think i peed on brittanys purse
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
