It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
