he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
