So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
