I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
