her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
