Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
