batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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