Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
