ADVERTISEMENT

• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Woah.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  that's not how you spell hell yes.

  Fav 56 7968 1738

  share tweet
  

• (561): View more from Florida

  She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.

  Fav 5 2620 1238

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (315): View more from New York

  He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.

  Fav 6 1226 3343

  share tweet
  

• (606): View more from Kentucky

  Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.

  Fav 3 1530 1616

  share tweet
  

• (859): View more from Kentucky

  will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour

  Fav 4 1900 761

  share tweet
  

• (713): View more from Texas

  I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.

  Fav 10 1802 1073

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (214): View more from Texas

  YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD

  (469): View more from Texas

  My thighs feel like glass

  Fav 3 1807 830

  share tweet
  

• (917): View more from New York City

  Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)

  Fav 3 1129 693

  share tweet
  

• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro

  Fav 0 599 472

  share tweet
  

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.

  Fav 1 45 9

  share tweet
  

• (407): View more from Florida

  Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes

  Fav 2 34 8

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (425): View more from Washington

  My whole life is a joke

  (360): View more from Washington

  Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.

  Fav 0 21 41

  share tweet
  

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?

  Fav 1 46 18

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.

  Fav 0 15 54

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27

  Fav 0 149 11

  share tweet
  

Randomize