but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she peed on how many people?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
