had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
