About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
