Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
