i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
