so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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