Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
