isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
