can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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