I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
