Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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