I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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