i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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