don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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