Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
