Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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