Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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