its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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