Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
